June 19, 2009

I'm baaaaaccckkkk!!

So you remember that one time I went to Disney World and acted like a little kid the entire time because I was loving my life and imagining myself in a princess costume?

Oh, and then that other time when we came back to the real world and we both started working and all the sudden I never saw my husband, threw myself a huge pity party and then had an amazingly inspired sister-in-law and moment of enlightenment and grew up again?

Oh but wait, then there was the other time when all my cousins started having their sweet little babies all at the same time?

Wait. Here’s the best. Remember when I was insane and said that I would be the surrogate mother of five “I have an endless supply of energy and you don’t! neener neener neener!” kids for 4 days??

Oh, you don’t remember me telling you about all those things? Hmmm. . . Funny. . .

Perhaps because I have taken a two month unintentional blogging hiatus? Perhaps? Yes. Perhaps.

So now, I am going to fill you in on all the happenings of our lives lately. Not that it’s been super exciting or adventurous, just super busy.

First of all, I have a HUGE Disney World post coming. It’s sure to be full of pictures and me blabbing on about how much I love Disney World and how I want to go back so I can feel like a little kid and a princess again and what-not. Eat your heart out.

Second of all, the whole busy-ness thing we got goin on here at the Calaway household is just unreal. Well, it hasn’t been horrible lately, but it was gettin kinda crazy there for a while. You see, the first cutting of Alfalfa this year was just awesome for Dallin. They said it was probably the biggest first cutting they have ever had! I was so happy to hear that. But, I was also thinking about how hard my life was because my husband was gone all the time. I went to bed by myself most nights, only to wake up alone again the next morning and I just wasn’t diggin it. Let me tell you, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I think I fooled myself into believing this summer would be even better (translation: easier) than last because we were married, so there wasn’t going to be a curfew issue or anything and we could just see each other whenever we wanted! I failed to add my job and having to get up at 6:00 every morning into the equation. When you are dating, you do crazy things. Am I right? Like driving 30 minutes out to a field in the middle of NO WHERE to say hello, talk for a couple minutes, kiss, say goodnight and drive BACK HOME another 30 MINUTES. Stupid? Yes. Infatuated? Yes. I still absolutely ADORE my husband, don’t get me wrong, but all the sudden, responsibility is on the brain and I keep thinking, “no, I need my sleep so I can function at work and not depend on diet dew to keep me awake!” Needless to say, we had a rough week where we just didn’t see each other at all. And I started to get lonely. I am grateful I have family around, but there is a void that only your husband can fill, ya know? He’s the one you just wanna talk to and laugh with and hang out with and what not. And he just wasn’t there to fill that void. Not that it was his fault (although I was getting stuck in the trap of blaming him) but I just wanted him to be here with me! So, I started being a total wimp and whining and complaining to myself and Heavenly Father, who I am sure was wanting to firmly shake me and say, “GROW UP!!” But, he listened. And after a night of crying myself to sleep and receiving a note from my husband the next evening, I realized that I needed to stop thinking in the “me tense” and start thinking in the “him tense”. ‘Cause really, when I start thinking in the “him tense” my life just starts making a whole lot more sense! And life is just easier!! SO much easier! And then, lo and behold, I got an email from this amazing sister-in-law of mine and I realized how not alone I was. I realized that I had people who knew exactly what I was going through. And I realized that I was gonna be just fine and I needed to put my big girl panties on and grow up. And I did. Thank goodness, right? :) Needless to say, he still works long hours, but I am ok with it. I just realize that when he’s here I need to take advantage of all the time we have together. Oh the lessons we make ourselves learn through our own stupidity!

Well, I think this is enough to bore you all, so I will continue my updates on the happenings of our life over the course of the next few days. Are you just dying of anticipation? I’m sure you are. I would be.


Jer and Myaela said...

Well, first off, I'm excited to read your posts to come! Sounds like you had a fun, crazy time!

Secondly, I understand what you mean about just wanting your hubby home sometimes. You are most definitely not alone in that. =)

Love ya girl!

Blaine, Hillary & Colton said...

They are ALIVE--YES--they are alive. We were maybe a little worried but we now have confirmation you are doing good! Loved the post--I'll have to remember the put your big girl panties on-LOVE IT!

Em and Ms said...

Glad you're back--and I can't wait to hear about Disneyworld. I think we all have those moments from time to time. It's hard not seeing your husband! I'm glad you are happier now though.

Chase and Elise said...

We can have slumber parties since chase is ALWAYS gone and I hate being home alone! It'll be like the old days :)

ashley said...

I... know... how... you... feel. It's a weird feeling isnt it? To not have them around after you kinda get use to having them there constantly at school! I never thought I'd be so happy for when it rains and the hay is wet! I keep asking him, are you sure you wouldn't rather sell pest control, but Marcus always says No way! And that he loves working out on the farm with the boys.

Dallin is such a great guy, and I know that Marcus loves getting to know him better out there. It's definitely hard going to bed, and then waking up without them, but it is money I suppose. And its just for a few more months! Maybe we should invest in some countdown clocks, eh? I admire you Ash, you are a strong, beautiful woman, and I'm glad you have those Big Girl panties on! I'm so excited for your Disneyland post! I bet your pictures are awesome!

PRP said...

I've been married almost 12 years and it has never gotten easier to have my husband gone....it's just one of the stinky parts. But it makes the rest totally worth it!

Hang in there. This too shall pass, and if you're really desperate, you can always come hang out with one of your old leaders....:)

Heather said...

Or two of the OLD leaders. Missed your posts!

Jill and Joel Gibb said...

Totally know how you feel...i would DREAD Hay season....this is the first time we have been lucky enough not participate! After work i would scrap book to pass the time...trust me find a hobby, it will keep your mind off of it! Good luck!

Tyler, Alexis and Karielle said...

I'll bet you're REALLY happy that you didn't marry a military guy. Deployments suck.

Lisa said...

Welcome back :) I love the new background.

I understand how hard it is not to see your husband. On nights that Donald works late I feel so bored and lonely. I always tell him that he is not allowed to die before me :)

I can't wait to see your Disney post!

tharker said...

The thing I think I love the most about this post is that I can completely hear your voice in your writing. You are a wise woman, my dear.

So sorry again for thinking that you were Taylee when I called over there while you were being a surrogate mom. You really don't sound like a 10 year old ;)