October 5, 2010

No Good, Very Bad Day

I've been feeling exceptionally sorry for myself today. I've been frustrated, annoyed, irritated, sad, and had a string of four letter words continuously running through my brain. Shocking, I know. (Or not) So, this is my attempt to try and get me out of my funk.

I realize my situation right now is really not pitiable at all, nor am I looking for any of you to tell me it is, because if we're being honest, I'll be fine in a couple of hours. Just chalk it up to hormones. I've thankfully escaped the crazy roller coaster of hormones that some women are plagued by when they're pregnant and, for the most part, have been exceptionally happy. I've had a good attitude about most things and have just rolled with the punches, because I knew I really had no other choice, so I may as well enjoy my time, right? Well, today I guess things have just caught up to me. I don't sleep well at night anymore and haven't really for about a month and a half, so I am in a constant state of tiredness. And even though I probably shouldn't, I worry constantly about this baby inside me. I feel it move almost all the time, but if I notice it hasn't moved in a while, I freak myself out, wondering the last time it moved. Then I think of all the possible defects it could have once it's born and I wonder, "am I ready for all this??" Needless to say, that's not helping me at all either. And maybe, just maybe, the fact that we're still in Washington and I'm not near my doctor has me stressed out too. Because I am almost 37 weeks, and therefore, almost considered full term. So there you have it, my grievances all laid out there for you all to see.

But really, I would be an ungrateful brat if I didn't tell you all the wonderful blessings I have in my life. I have an amazing husband who works so hard to provide for me and this baby and loves me, despite my many flaws. We have two working vehicles that get us from point a to point b quite comfortably. We have clothes on our backs with plenty to spare. We have our health and really good health insurance just in case our health takes a turn for the worse. :) We are so lucky to have musical abilities and the opportunities to share them with others. We have incredible family members who support us in all we do and amazing parents who offer their homes to us whenever we need a place to stay without complaint. And, as far as I know, we have a healthy baby inside me who loves to kick and play. There are so many more blessings I know I'm not mentioning, but I'm feeling better now. :) So as you can see, I am incredibly blessed and am so grateful for this life I lead. Even though it doesn't always turn out the way I think it will, and there are twists and turns, I just have to keep up an attitude of gratitude. So I will try to be better about that. No promises though. :)


Megan said...

Good Way to get yourself on a better mood. And get some sleep! Try some Tylenol PM. I would only take 1 but now is the time to rest!!

tharker said...

You're so close, Ashley! Only 3 more weeks!! (give or take...)

I think the last month of pregnancy is more difficult for me than even those awful months of morning sickness. But hang in there, your sweet little babe is close. So close!

I loved reading this, especially because this post wouldn't be authentically YOU unless you ended it on a positive note. I love your positive attitude, Ashley. I know I've told you before, but your joy in life is completely infectious!

PRP said...

It's all normal and it's all going to be okay. Hang in there. You'll do great!

Andrew and Jenna said...

I'm sure you already know this, but it is totally normal for the baby to not move as much in the end just because there isn't much room left in there! I would get nervous too though every time Cash went a while without moving. I remember saying several prayers asking Heavenly Father to just let him move once so I could calm down, and it was such a miracle, because every prayer was answered either during the prayer or immediately after. Just know that you aren't alone in any of this! Have Dallin give you a Priesthood blessing soon, and then you will really be ready :)