What I'm Lacking...

I don't know about all of you out there, but I find some of my best thinking comes while I'm washing dishes. Can I just tell you how much I hate washing dishes though? Really hate it. But, as I just stated, I find myself doing some productive thinking while I'm elbow deep in suds. Today was no exception.

I've been lacking in the Gratitude department and it really hit me hard today. I don't remember how it came about really. My thoughts tend to be scattered and random while I am pregnant and I'm so forgetful these days, I hardly remember how I got to a certain point in my thinking. (I know, it's bad.)

I think it started when I realized how lucky we are to live on the bottom/basement floor of our apartment building. We're partially underground, which keeps us a lot cooler in the summer than most apartments. Claire and I had just gone to visit our friends in the next building over and they live on the 3rd floor, and it is very warm in their apartment. So, I started thinking about how grateful I was to live on the bottom floor. But then, oh yes, THEN, I started thinking about other friends of mine who live in homes and who have A/C and have the cars, the clothes, the lives that I think I'm yearning for. They look like the perfect mothers, as their kids are talking, eating healthy foods, playing in yards, swimming in pools, and doing things I think my daughter should be doing. So questions arise, like, "am I good enough? Am I really doing my best? Am I a good mother? Am I a GREAT mother? What am I doing wrong??" And then I remembered this little gem that I had pinned on Pinterest a few months back.

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

-Theodore Roosevelt

"What am I doing to myself??" I thought, as I continued loading dishes into the dishwasher. "WHY am I doing this to myself?" I looked around my apartment and saw the things that matter most to me, pictures of my family, the Temple Dallin and I were sealed in, my sweet little girl as she runs around with a head full of curls and lungs the size of Texas (with a sound to match). What was it that I was really lacking? Was it the clothes, the cars, the house, the talents, the perfect children? Oh no. Not at all. What I was/am lacking is the gratitude for the things I do have. 

I find myself repeating these words as I pray, "I am so grateful for all that Thou has given to me". Apparently, to me, they've just been words. If I was truly grateful, the complaining would stop, the wishing for the next best thing would stop. So today, I'm going to make a change. I'm going to stop wishing for what I don't have and start being grateful for the things I DO have. Because, really, I have SO much. So much than I really deserve. Here are some things at the top of my list of gratefuls.

1. My hardworking husband. It's hard in the summer time when I don't see him too much, but I am so grateful that he works as hard as he does to provide for us. I am so lucky.

2. My daughter. She has entered this terrible two phase in full force, but the sweet moments, the ones I cherish the most, far outnumber the grouchy moments.

3. My husbands decision to attend graduate school. I can't tell you how proud I am that Dallin has decided to go on and get this higher level of education. It's been a sacrifice in many ways, but one that I (and he) will forever be grateful for.

4. My apartment. It lacks A/C, but it is home to so many memories that I would not trade for the entire world. 

5. Our truck. It might be a little cramped when this next little one comes, but it runs (and runs well!) and it has A/C, so I can just jump in there when the apartment gets too hot. :)

6. The Gospel. It keeps me grounded, gives me hope, lifts my spirits, and reminds me that I am a beloved Daughter of God. 

7. My family. All of my family. Mom, Dad, brothers, sisters, Mother-in-law, Father-in-law, sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, everyone! They are the examples I look to, the support system when times are tough, and the love that keeps us going. 

I could go on, but I'll stop. I needed a little kick in the behind to remind me how fortunate I really am. Life isn't always easy, but there is always, ALWAYS something to be grateful for. I just need to to remember, even when it's difficult.

{My greatest blessing}