August 16, 2012

What I'm Lacking...

I don't know about all of you out there, but I find some of my best thinking comes while I'm washing dishes. Can I just tell you how much I hate washing dishes though? Really hate it. But, as I just stated, I find myself doing some productive thinking while I'm elbow deep in suds. Today was no exception.

I've been lacking in the Gratitude department and it really hit me hard today. I don't remember how it came about really. My thoughts tend to be scattered and random while I am pregnant and I'm so forgetful these days, I hardly remember how I got to a certain point in my thinking. (I know, it's bad.)

I think it started when I realized how lucky we are to live on the bottom/basement floor of our apartment building. We're partially underground, which keeps us a lot cooler in the summer than most apartments. Claire and I had just gone to visit our friends in the next building over and they live on the 3rd floor, and it is very warm in their apartment. So, I started thinking about how grateful I was to live on the bottom floor. But then, oh yes, THEN, I started thinking about other friends of mine who live in homes and who have A/C and have the cars, the clothes, the lives that I think I'm yearning for. They look like the perfect mothers, as their kids are talking, eating healthy foods, playing in yards, swimming in pools, and doing things I think my daughter should be doing. So questions arise, like, "am I good enough? Am I really doing my best? Am I a good mother? Am I a GREAT mother? What am I doing wrong??" And then I remembered this little gem that I had pinned on Pinterest a few months back.

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
-Theodore Roosevelt

"What am I doing to myself??" I thought, as I continued loading dishes into the dishwasher. "WHY am I doing this to myself?" I looked around my apartment and saw the things that matter most to me, pictures of my family, the Temple Dallin and I were sealed in, my sweet little girl as she runs around with a head full of curls and lungs the size of Texas (with a sound to match). What was it that I was really lacking? Was it the clothes, the cars, the house, the talents, the perfect children? Oh no. Not at all. What I was/am lacking is the gratitude for the things I do have. 

I find myself repeating these words as I pray, "I am so grateful for all that Thou has given to me". Apparently, to me, they've just been words. If I was truly grateful, the complaining would stop, the wishing for the next best thing would stop. So today, I'm going to make a change. I'm going to stop wishing for what I don't have and start being grateful for the things I DO have. Because, really, I have SO much. So much than I really deserve. Here are some things at the top of my list of gratefuls.

1. My hardworking husband. It's hard in the summer time when I don't see him too much, but I am so grateful that he works as hard as he does to provide for us. I am so lucky.

2. My daughter. She has entered this terrible two phase in full force, but the sweet moments, the ones I cherish the most, far outnumber the grouchy moments.

3. My husbands decision to attend graduate school. I can't tell you how proud I am that Dallin has decided to go on and get this higher level of education. It's been a sacrifice in many ways, but one that I (and he) will forever be grateful for.

4. My apartment. It lacks A/C, but it is home to so many memories that I would not trade for the entire world. 

5. Our truck. It might be a little cramped when this next little one comes, but it runs (and runs well!) and it has A/C, so I can just jump in there when the apartment gets too hot. :)

6. The Gospel. It keeps me grounded, gives me hope, lifts my spirits, and reminds me that I am a beloved Daughter of God. 

7. My family. All of my family. Mom, Dad, brothers, sisters, Mother-in-law, Father-in-law, sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, everyone! They are the examples I look to, the support system when times are tough, and the love that keeps us going. 

I could go on, but I'll stop. I needed a little kick in the behind to remind me how fortunate I really am. Life isn't always easy, but there is always, ALWAYS something to be grateful for. I just need to to remember, even when it's difficult.

{My greatest blessing}

1 comment:

Jeff Calaway said...

If I was going to give any advice, and you know I will, it would be to enjoy where you are now. There is joy to be found in every stage of life. Things or possessions complicate life and take us away from focusing on what, ultimately, will bring us the most joy. You will have more than you can consume if you remember that.