I just want to thank everyone for their sweet words and support over the last few days. I feel so loved and I am incredibly grateful that I have so many people out there who are very supportive and kind. I am truly blessed.
I also want to let everyone know that we are doing great. Every once in a while I do get a little twinge of sadness when I see a sweet little baby or a pair of really cute tiny shoes or something like that. :) But overall, I am fine. The day we found out was the hardest. And the Dr. we had just kinda laid it all out on the table; no softening of blows or anything. Which was probably the best way for it to be put out there for me. After he told me they hadn't found a heartbeat, he said, "I think this is just God and Nature's way of telling you that this baby wasn't developing right and it could place on you a burden you might not be able to handle." As those words sunk in, I thought, "yeah, that makes sense." And it felt right.
I was proud of myself too. I didn't cry when he told me. I didn't cry when he told me my options for losing the baby, whether I wanted a D&C or just to lose it naturally. I didn't cry when he told me that we needed to wait at least 3 to 4 months before we should try again. But then, the ultrasound tech asked me if I wanted the picture of the baby. And then the floodgates opened. And it hit me. Hard. And I cried. And it hurt. But then, I regained my composure, took the picture of our little peanut, and we went and scheduled for the D&C. And then I called my mom and once again the tears were a-flowin. But with each person that I talked to throughout the day, the tears dried up and didn't come as easily. I came to terms with everything. And I felt good. Except for the cramps that magically started. And got excessively worse over the course of the next couple of days until by thursday morning about 1:00 am I was in full blown labor (well, it felt like it at least :)) I no longer called them cramps, but contractions. They were horrible. And I wanted to die. And my D&C wasn't until 7:00 am, so 6 hours from then. But I made it there, they gave me sweet pain meds to relieve me, and before I knew it, I was asleep and awake in the blink of an eye. And feeling OH SO MUCH BETTER! I felt like everything was done. I was done with everything. It felt great.
So now, here I am, a little over a week after I found out, and I feel good. It still kinda stinks when people tell me congratulations and I have to tell them, "oh, I actually just had a miscarriage." And then they feel bad (which they totally shouldn't, they didn't know!) But, it still kinda stings. So, we're going on with life, we'll try to start our family again when the timing feels right and when we feel the Lord thinks its a good time and for the time being, we'll focus on school and work. By the way, did I mention the best news ever? Dallin is done after this semester! Hallelujah! That light at the end of the tunnel is getting so much brighter. It's right there. We're so excited! For those of you who are curious, he is graduating in Agricultural Business and he wants to continue on to get his MBA. Hopefully at University of Oregon, Oregon State or Willamette University. All three are within like an hour of each other down in Oregon. So, it'd be pretty awesome if we could go down there. Plus, Marcus and Ashley are down in Willamette going to Law School and Jen and Cory are thinking of going to U of O for Cory to get his MBA. So who knows, we could get the whole fam damily down there! :) It'd be a blast, whatever happens.
Anyhow, sorry about all this information, this is kind of my journal of life events, so all you cyber-readers get to know me way better than you ever wanted to. :) Dallin starts school Friday, so I'll post his cute back to school photo on here and you all can stare at my "eye candy" husband. :) What can I say, I have a super hot husband! Enjoy your evenings, thank you once again for your love and support and God Bless every single one of you!