Introducing: Claire Calaway

The fact that I had this baby 3 weeks early is probably just as much of a shock to you as it has been for me. I figured that I would go full term, but after pushing a little 6 lb baby out, I am incredibly grateful she wasn't any bigger. :)

Late Friday night/early Saturday morning, I noticed I was having some pretty hard contractions. Harder and more painful than anything I had experienced up to that point in pregnancy. They were inconsistent, at best, so I just figured it wasn't that big a deal. I wasn't terribly worried or concerned. Saturday morning, Dallin asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, but because I had been up some of the night with contractions, I was pretty tired and decided I wasn't going to go with him. Then, right before he left, I noticed I had quite a bit of fluid leaking out of me and it was tinged with blood. Once again, I figured I was just getting to the end of the pregnancy and wrote it off as not a big deal. I got in the shower and then all the sudden I started having contractions that were rocking. my. world. I had to lean up against the wall and just concentrate on my breathing. After I got out, I sat down and drank a bunch of water, thinking that would help, but they just kept coming.

I finally started considering the possibility that I was, in fact, in labor and thought about calling Dallin at the gym, but figured he would be home soon enough and then we could head to the hospital. (Yeah, I know, I'm kinda dumb.) Then I got a text from Dallin asking me if I was feeling any better from that morning and I replied I thought I was in labor. He couldn't believe I hadn't called him, but things hadn't seemed that bad. Then suddenly, the contractions started coming fast and furious. I suddenly thought, "I wonder if we're even gonna make it to the hospital!" Dallin got home from the gym and we sprinted (read: Ashley waddled) to the car and hit every green light to the hospital. Hallelujah. I had a couple hard contractions on my way to the hospital and then as I was checking in, I had a few more. I was in so much pain at this point that I just wanted to get into a room and have an epidural as quick as was humanly possible. A triage nurse came to get me and led me to a room to check me out, explaining that she just wanted to make sure I was really in labor. This whole time, I am thinking, "if this isn't labor, then just shoot me now, 'cause it can't get any worse than this!" I got undressed and into my hospital gown as fast as I could, and she checked me (which was about as uncomfortable as all get out, holy crud!) and then she looked at me with shock in her eyes and said, "you're dilated to a 9!! We're moving you into your own room NOW!" I was kind of shocked, but not really, because of the amount of pain I was in. I asked the nurse on the way to my room if I was too late for an epidural (which I figured I was) and she said they MIGHT be able to get me one. Then she asked, "what's your plan for pain management?" Just then I had a contraction and I blurted out, "the epidural! That was my plan for pain management!!" She just started laughing. Luckily, I found humor in the situation as well. :)

They got me into my room and the nurses were just scrambling everywhere. I kind of felt bad. But then another contraction would hit and I didn't feel so bad anymore. I just wanted to be out of my misery. Those contractions were so hard and the urge to push was starting. My doctor came in (she was AMAZING. LOVED her) and she checked me and said I was actually more like an 8, not a 9, so they were going to get the anesthesiologist in to me STAT! :) He came in and gave me my epidural and within 15 minutes, I was in heaven. I also received an amazing blessing from Marcus and Dallin and things went smooth from there on out. I pushed for about an hour and a half, got hung up on her high little cheekbones, then out she came! The doctor flipped her over, asked Dallin if he wanted to tell me what it was, and we were both so overcome with emotion when he said it was a girl. They plopped her on my stomach, she started crying (we were already crying :)) and the rest is history.

It's been a crazy roller coaster so far. This is the hardest, most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. Claire came to this world at 6 lbs. 3 oz. 18.5 ins long and left the hospital at 5 lbs. 12 oz. She dropped further down to 5 lbs 8 oz. and we were getting pretty scared. I was supposed to go to Claire's pediatrician on Wednesday, but I got a call Tuesday morning at 8:00 telling me they had a last minute cancellation and asked if I would like to come in for a 9:00 appt? For some reason, I felt I needed to say yes and we went in. That's when we found out that Claire had dropped to 5 lbs. 8 oz. and that we needed to pretty much start shoving food down her throat or else there were going to be negative consequences. So, we did just that, and are continuing to do it now. Our pediatrician was so inspired to call us to fill that appointment on Tuesday. If we had waited til Wednesday, I don't know what might have happened. I think Claire could have potentially been in big trouble. He said for some reason he just remembered the name Claire Calaway and thought of her to fill that appointment. I know there were higher powers at work in her behalf. For that, I am truly grateful.

So now we have feedings that are 2-3 hours apart all day everyday and after I feed, I pump like it's nobody's business! :) She's back up to 5 lbs 15 oz. and, the way she has been eating lately, she'll be up to her birth weight in no time flat. Meanwhile, I'm not getting much rest or much of anything done, but I am loving my new job as mommy. It feels so weird to have a daughter and know that she is ours. Dallin is probably the worlds best dad and is totally in love with Claire. He sits with her on his chest all the time and loves on her all day long. I think it's pretty safe to say that she is just as smitten with him as he is her. We both think she is the most beautiful baby that ever graced this planet (of course, we're not biased at all) and she continues to wrap us around her long little fingers everyday. We're so blessed and are loving every moment of this new journey.

Oh, and we just moved yesterday to a new apartment in our building so that Claire would have her own room. No big deal. We could NOT have done it without the help of my wonderful angel mother and Claire's two biggest fans, Marcus and Ash. With their help, we were able to move apartments and get everything cleaned and squared away. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU Marcus, Ash and Mom. We love you guys and appreciate you so much!! I especially want to thank my mom for all her help this week. She has fed us delicious, healthy meals, has run errands for us, helped me with the late night feedings so that I could get a little extra sleep and was super mom/mother-in-law/grandma all week long. I couldn't have made it through this first week without her. I love you, Mom!! Now Valerie, we need you here to fill the grandma void. :)

So, here are some pictures from the first week of little Claire Calaway's first week of life.

Claire's Favorite Place: Daddy's Chest





She's already starting to suck her thumb!

No Good, Very Bad Day

I've been feeling exceptionally sorry for myself today. I've been frustrated, annoyed, irritated, sad, and had a string of four letter words continuously running through my brain. Shocking, I know. (Or not) So, this is my attempt to try and get me out of my funk.

I realize my situation right now is really not pitiable at all, nor am I looking for any of you to tell me it is, because if we're being honest, I'll be fine in a couple of hours. Just chalk it up to hormones. I've thankfully escaped the crazy roller coaster of hormones that some women are plagued by when they're pregnant and, for the most part, have been exceptionally happy. I've had a good attitude about most things and have just rolled with the punches, because I knew I really had no other choice, so I may as well enjoy my time, right? Well, today I guess things have just caught up to me. I don't sleep well at night anymore and haven't really for about a month and a half, so I am in a constant state of tiredness. And even though I probably shouldn't, I worry constantly about this baby inside me. I feel it move almost all the time, but if I notice it hasn't moved in a while, I freak myself out, wondering the last time it moved. Then I think of all the possible defects it could have once it's born and I wonder, "am I ready for all this??" Needless to say, that's not helping me at all either. And maybe, just maybe, the fact that we're still in Washington and I'm not near my doctor has me stressed out too. Because I am almost 37 weeks, and therefore, almost considered full term. So there you have it, my grievances all laid out there for you all to see.

But really, I would be an ungrateful brat if I didn't tell you all the wonderful blessings I have in my life. I have an amazing husband who works so hard to provide for me and this baby and loves me, despite my many flaws. We have two working vehicles that get us from point a to point b quite comfortably. We have clothes on our backs with plenty to spare. We have our health and really good health insurance just in case our health takes a turn for the worse. :) We are so lucky to have musical abilities and the opportunities to share them with others. We have incredible family members who support us in all we do and amazing parents who offer their homes to us whenever we need a place to stay without complaint. And, as far as I know, we have a healthy baby inside me who loves to kick and play. There are so many more blessings I know I'm not mentioning, but I'm feeling better now. :) So as you can see, I am incredibly blessed and am so grateful for this life I lead. Even though it doesn't always turn out the way I think it will, and there are twists and turns, I just have to keep up an attitude of gratitude. So I will try to be better about that. No promises though. :)

Help!

Anyone else think of the Beatles upon reading this blog post title? Oh. Just me? Moving on then. . . :)

I couldn't sleep the other night. Wait. I can't ever sleep anymore. But it was really bad the other night. I laid awake for who knows how long and had a mental breakdown. I freaked out about the labor and delivery. I freaked out about the realization that when I leave the hospital in a month (give or take) I will no longer be pregnant, but I will have a baby that needs me. I freaked out that I am still in Washington and not in Oregon, close to my doctor and the hospital that I am pre-registered with. And the list goes on. It was like the panic attack of the century. Please, oh please, tell me I am not alone in this freak out. I hope every one of you who have had kids had this same freak out with your first. Or at least something similar. Maybe I should just admit myself to the psych ward now.

I woke up the next morning though, and suddenly, I had a dose of perspective and things just didn't seem so daunting. I'm still nervous, to be sure, but I am definitely not in melt-down mode. But then I did start thinking of some things that I really need to get ready in preparation for this little one to come. The first thing that I thought of was "the bag". You know, the bag with all your goodies that you take to the hospital. I have looked online for lists and things and I have gotten suggestions from people over the past few months, but with this ridiculous pregnant brain of mine, I can't remember what you have all said. So, please, give me your advice! What did you have that you were grateful you had with you at the hospital? Or what didn't you have that you wished you had? What the heck should I pack in my hospital bag?! :) Here's a list I got from Enfamil in my inbox the other day. Please, feel free to add to it. I need all the suggestions I can get!

# Shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, hairbrush, cosmetics and other toiletries
# Comfortable PJs (bring a couple), slippers and a robe
# Video and still cameras
# Socks
# Pillows
# Playing cards, puzzles, magazines, books
# Laptop and your favorite DVDs
# Hard candies to suck on during labor
# Moisturizer
# Pencil, notepad and a watch for timing contractions
# Phone numbers for family and friends
# Nursing bra, if you plan to breastfeed
# Underwear (several pairs)
# Street clothes
# An outfit for the baby, including socks, onesie, diaper and hat
# Baby blanket
# Infant car seat

I thought this was a pretty good list, but I want your advice too. So hit me with the suggestions!

Oh, and by the way: I'm 36 weeks tomorrow. Holy. Cow.

34 Weeks

I hit my 34 week mark on Friday. It feels incredibly weird that in roughly 6 weeks (give or take) I will have a baby in my arms. In fact, it makes me just a tiny bit nervous. Or a lot nervous. In fact, if I start to over think it, then I almost go into panic mode. You think I'm kidding. I'm not. I realize I haven't posted many pictures on here from the pregnancy, so unless you are my friend on Facebook, or have seen me in live and living color, you haven't gotten to see this fantabulous belly of mine. So, I figured I may as well start from the very first prego picture I took and go from there. So here they are. Me throughout the pregnancy.

17.5 Weeks along

20 Weeks Along

22 Weeks Along

24 Weeks Along

26 Weeks Along

28 Weeks Along

30 Weeks Along

34 Weeks Along

I missed taking a 32 weeks picture. It was kind of a hectic time. We were in the process of making our temporary move back up here to Washington for the Timothy harvest. I figure my not taking a 32 week picture is pretty forgivable though. :)

I'm starting to feel more prepared, but I'm still plenty nervous. I can't wait to hold this baby and find out if it's a boy or a girl! My sister Tara just had her 20 week appointment today and she is having a boy! So I have her rooting for a boy and Megan rooting for a girl. :) We're just hoping for a healthy baby. I'll be sure to be better at posting pictures from now on and will resume my attitude of gratitude posts here in the next little while. Until next time!

I'd Like To File A Missing Person's Report...

Sex: Female
Age: 22 (almost 23)
Height: 5' 3"
Weight: Let's not go there. We'll just say: (VERY) LARGE WITH CHILD
Hair: Dark Brown
Eyes: Blue
Race: Caucasian (she's so white, she glows in the dark!)
Distinguishing features: Looks like she has a basketball shoved up her shirt, freckles, waddles as she walks...

If found, please call friends and family to alert where she has been for the past two weeks! Thanks!

I feel like I have been apologizing on here a lot lately. I seem to go in spurts where I am super good and diligent at blogging, and other times where there are other things that just take precedence over updating the blog. Sorry for my lack of consistency, I promise I'll get better! Especially when this kid gets here. Be prepared to be over loaded with pictures.

We've been in Pasco, Salem and Ellensburg for the past 2 weeks and are currently in Ellensburg. Not sure how much longer we will be here, but I will be sure to keep you all posted as to where we roam. Had I known that I was going to be here in Washington so close to my due date, I think I probably would have not transferred my care down to Salem, but oh well! What can ya do?

Things are going really well as far as the pregnancy goes. I will be 34 weeks tomorrow. (HOLY COW!!!) I can't sleep at night (I think that's Heavenly Father's way of preparing me for when the baby comes and I will never sleep anyway!) I pee all day and all night long and my hands and feet are starting to swell. I think that about covers all the late pregnancy wonderfulness. :) For the most part though, I feel really good. I am just getting anxious for this little one to get here!! I had a dream last night that we had a boy. That makes for 2 boy dreams and 2 girl dreams. It's anyone's guess now! I, however, am convinced it's a girl. You can all start making your bets now. Only 6 weeks to go!

Dallin is all done with the harvest in Oregon and is helping out up here in Washington with the last of the Timothy and what-not. He had a really successful summer down in Oregon and we feel so incredibly blessed because of that! Once he is done up here, we'll head back to Salem and he's going to start studying for his GMAT. He is hoping to have it taken and the results back in his hands by the time the early application process begins at Willamette, which is December. Then we'll cross our fingers and hope he gets into their MBA program for Fall of 2011.

Life for us is pretty crazy right now, but hey, it'd be boring any other way! I promise I will once again resume my attitude of gratitude posts and make it to the 40 days, 'cause I ain't no quitter. :) I won't promise you WHEN I'll resume those, just know that I will. :) For now, here are some pictures from our most recent trip back down to Salem. If you ever have a time when you are leisurely making your way down to Portland, take some pit stops. We stayed on the Washington side until we got to the Bridge of the Gods and we crossed over there to Oregon. Totally cool. Highly recommended. Then we stopped at this place off of the I-84 called the Vista House. It overlooks the Columbia River Gorge and on into Portland and is really quite breathtaking. We timed it just right and got there at sunset too, so it was amazing. Once again, leisurely making your way down to Portland is the best way to go. I highly recommend it. :)

On the way to Oregon, on the Washington side.

The road to Oregon.

View from the Vista House at Sunset looking at the lights of Portland.

Another view from the Vista House

Day 26: In Limbo

Once again, I apologize for my absence in the blogging world. I am sure you've all been DYING for my next post... Right. :) Anyhow, the last few days have been a little crazy. All day Friday I helped Dallin and Trent on the last fields that needed raking, baling and stacking and then Saturday I packed up and headed to Ellensburg. Dallin followed in the service truck a few hours later. Now we're in Pasco, where we're here to stay for a few weeks. Yes. Another temporary move. I know, we're insane. My life has no definite plans. All I know is I am going to have a kid in roughly 7 1/2 weeks. That is literally the only definite thing in our lives at this point. It makes for a good time, let me tell ya! I mean, really, who wants a predictable life? How boring would that be?? I guess I wouldn't really know, because my life has never been predictable. :) But seriously, this whole "in limbo" thing totally works for us, and we're just happy to be close to family and to have things to keep us busy.

I guess the thing that really has stuck out to me today is I am grateful to be where I am at this point in my life. And I am so grateful for who I am with. My journey wouldn't be nearly so good if it weren't for my wonderful husband standing beside me, supporting me in every way and working so hard. And I am grateful we have this crazy life. As insane as it sometimes gets, what with us running here and there and everywhere, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love who I am and where I am at. And the best thing is, even though we don't know what the future holds for us, we know that where we're going is going to be the best place for us. It will be where we will grow the most and learn the most and be the best we can be. I am grateful for being "in limbo".

Day 25: A Letter

Dear Baby,

I just want to let you know how excited your daddy and I are for you to arrive! I'll be 32 weeks tomorrow, which means you're almost here! (At least it seems that way!) You've been moving a lot lately. You love to kick and somersault and, on occasion, hit my rib cage, which isn't so much fun. :)

I heard your heartbeat again yesterday at my doctors appointment. I love to hear your little heart. It may be the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. It made me think of the very first time I ever heard it. It was a magical moment that I will not soon forget. I remember how nervous I was. Last August, when I was in that same doctors office, I hadn't heard a heart beat and I was afraid that would be the case again. So when I first heard that beautiful sound, it was like no one else was in the room except your daddy and me. Time stood still for just a moment. I remember looking at him and relief flooding through me. Now I get to feel your movements and your hiccups and it's about all I can do to patiently await your arrival.

I want you to know how special you are. I can tell you are going to be one amazing little spirit, and I cannot wait to get to know you better throughout the years. I know we'll have our rough patches to work through, but always remember how much your momma loves you. You are the sunshine in mine and daddy's world. Keep moving, keep punching, keep hiccuping, we never tire of seeing and feeling it. We love you sweet baby and can't wait til October, when we'll finally get to meet you.

Love you always,

Mom