The most common question I get asked these days is, "what's going on in your life? what are your plans?" To which I gulp and then try to provide an adequate answer. I mean, for heaven's sake, I am about to have a baby! I should have life figured out by now, right? Ha! Unfortunately, I do not. To prove this point, continue reading.
At the beginning of this year, we were in limbo (much like we are now) and I was sick of it. I wanted to KNOW. I NEEDED to know. Where were we going to be a month from then? What was Dallin going to do concerning school? Where was he going to go to school? Were we going to be in Pasco for the summer? Or Oregon? Or somewhere else in the continental US? What was the plan?! I couldn't stand this, "fly by the seat of your pants" thing I was doing. It's the planner in me. I just needed something solid. But, I wasn't getting it. So then, I started getting grumpy. And then, I just got miserable. Why was my life so confusing? I thought once I got married, most of my questions would be answered. No more guessing, right? I found my knight in shining armor, so why the heck didn't I have the castle?! Ok, I didn't need the castle just yet, but I wanted something definite. I was sick of wondering and then trying to answer the question that kept popping up in conversation, "what are your plans?" Then, one day, I woke up and I realized, "I'm not happy." Now, for those of you that know me and have known me for a long time, you know I am a happy person! I always have been! So when I made this realization, I thought, "I want to be happy. I don't like being sad." So, what was I going to do to change it? How was I going to be happy again? I then had a sudden realization. I was just going to be happy. That's all. I was going to make the CHOICE to be happy. I didn't need someone to sit there and give me all the answers. I, personally, just needed to make the choice to be happy. And so I did. And then, NEWS FLASH, I realized I didn't know everything. And I didn't NEED to know everything. But I was happy. Cause I said I was gonna be. I figured out I just needed to remember that I had a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and knows my circumstance. He's not going to lead me in the wrong direction. He's going to make sure that if I am doing what I need to be doing, He'll do what He's promised me He'll do.
A couple months later, I happened upon a scripture that I had forgotten about, though it is one of my absolute favorites. It is in 1 Nephi 11:17, "And I said unto him: I know that he (God) loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." After reading that, I realized, it's ok not to know everything. Nephi, who obviously knew a whole heckuva lot more than I do, still didn't know everything! But that was ok for him, because he knew that his Heavenly Father loved him! I just need to be more like Nephi, dang it! I am so grateful for those who have gone before me and are so much more wise than I who have taught me some of the greatest lessons to be learned.